What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
