I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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