i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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