there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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