Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
