I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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