Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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