I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
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So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
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LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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