And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
