Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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