i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
