Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The Olympian is in my bed
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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