Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
