Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize