I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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