I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
this must be what syphilis tastes like
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
