i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
