On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
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Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
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The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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