he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize