I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
