Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
