i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
