if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
