But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
