I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
