a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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