we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
