I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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