It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
