Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
