i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
