mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Fuck appropriateness.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
