I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
