Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
