so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
