i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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