So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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