i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
