I need to stop coming to work sober
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
