sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
