I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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