Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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