Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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