Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
