and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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