We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
