doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
