Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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