Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
