so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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