we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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