i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
