why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
