You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
