people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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