yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
