apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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