My nipple is on Facebook.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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