i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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