He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
