Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
