Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
