Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
