It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
