My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
be right there i have to get my cape
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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