this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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