My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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