dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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