in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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