Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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