I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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