wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i believe in u and ur pee
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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